May is Mental Health Month - Here is My Story! - Part 1

As we reach the end of May and Mental Health month, I thought that I would repost my mental health journey with some additions.I originally posted this in 2022. But a lot of events have happened. This is not a pity post. This is a post about resilience, and belief in yourself. This is proof that if I can survive all the challenges that I faced, I’m certain that you can as well.

It’s important to remove the stigma around mental health. But it’s just as important to remove the stigma around talking to someone about your mental health. Talking to your doctor and/or a mental health professional shouldn’t be looked down on. Taking medication to help you feel balanced and functioning well, should not be looked down on.

In 2019, I was unwell. I was dealing with demons from my past, controversial professional situations and all of this had a horrible effect on my personal life. I was the proverbial “dumpster fire”. I finally broke down and made an appointment with my doctor. After speaking with him about all of my life’s events I was diagnosed with PTSD, in addition to anxiety and given a reference letter to see a therapist. The best thing I have ever done for my mental health was to make that call to a professional. It saved my life. It saved my marriage. It saved me.

I was able to talk to someone who wasn’t judging me. Someone who could objectively frame things in a way that I was not able to. This allowed me to process my feelings and unravel the messy ball of yarn in my brain. 

Months later COVID hit the world. Hello, Anxiety!!! Naively, I thought that my family wouldn’t be affected by this monstrosity. But there we were. Family in the hospital with serious conditions and not being able to see them. An increasing workload. Anxiety and worry never seemed to be far away.

Then our family got hit with the unthinkable. Planning a funeral for a loved one (not Covid related) and having to choose only 10 people to attend. 

Two weeks before the funeral, my husband and I were in a head on collision. We were lucky to make it out alive. Months of recovery ahead of us. Being in the car terrified me. I would be in tears even before we left the garage. I was a jumpy horrible passenger. Which made it dangerous for the driver. I called my doctor again. After much discussion, we decided to try medication to help me deal with the panic attacks, anxiety and stress from being in the car. 

It was working. I didn’t cry before getting in the car. My panic attacks were fewer and further apart. My medication, partnered with my therapy ensured that my life could continue in a healthy way. I was even able to drive again.

Christmas Day of 2020, we saw my mom being put into an ambulance. We later learned that she was in congestive heart failure and her kidneys were failing. We couldn’t visit her in the hospital, due to COVID restrictions. All the information I received and advocating had to be done over the phone.

My mom started dialysis at the beginning of 2021 and moved in with Paul and I. Our tiny apartment seemed even smaller now. For seven months we all shared a space. It was stressful. No one had any privacy. And after not living with your parent for a number of years and being used to doing things your own way, the transition was anything but easy. And I'm positive I drove her crazy as well! Eventually, my mom got herself an apartment. Not far from us, but not in the same building, hahaha! She was living life independently. Even learning how to learning how to do her dialysis at home! I was so proud of her.

In 2022, they found a malignant tumour on my husband’s kidney. We were lucky in the fact that we caught it early enough. But that was because he listened to the signals his body was giving him, and knew that something wasn’t right.  This is a lesson to you all to trust your body and don’t wait until it’s too late to get something checked. I’m so grateful that he listened to himself and didn’t ignore the signs. Paul is my touchstone and things would’ve been even more difficult moving forward if I had lost him. My husband got through this with surgery to remove the tumour and now we are at yearly check ups. So far, all is good. You take the WINS when you can!By the way #$CK Cancer!!

In 2024, we could see my mom’s health deteriorating. I was tired. Everyone was tired. I was still working full time and looking after my mom was another full time job on its own. I was on auto pilot. I was still taking my medication regularly. It doesn’t work, if you don’t take it!

The day before Mother’s Day in 2024 my mom fell. I had to call an ambulance. She went to the hospital that evening. And sadly, never came home. I lost my mom on June 8, 2024. My mom raised my brother and I as a single parent. She was the one constant in my life growing up. And just like that....my constant was physically gone.

I learned that you don’t get to grieve a loss right away. There’s paperwork, lawyers and arrangements to be made. You work so hard at making sure that everyone is included and is doing alright, that you forget about how you’re doing. At least that’s my experience.

STICK AROUND FOR PART 2!